Europa Universalis III: A Preview in Rhyme

  • November 12, 2006
  • by: DMan
  • available on: PC

Europa Universalis III

Developer: Paradox Interactive
Publisher: Paradox Interactive

Release Date: 01/23/2007

ESRB: E

Genre: strategy
Setting: historic
Part One: The Prologue

When the time came to preview EUIII,
I leapt at the chance and shrieked with glee,
Then waited for the package to be mailed to me.

After many weeks and much gnashing of teeth,
(And a 'Lost Mail' notice which caused me to seethe),
I received the game with the first falling of leaves.

In the DVD drive the game did go,
And my computer then ignored my attempts to goad
It into making the game work faster and load,

But the game did load and I am pleased to say,
That when you choose to begin and play,
You can choose to start the game on any day

From fourteen fifty-three to seventeen eighty-nine,
You have complete control over the starting time,
Which, for the nerd in me, is pretty damn fine.



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Part Two: The Graphics

One will also notice that the graphics have been updated,
Though, by some RTS standards, they may still seem dated,
But, for a strategy buff like me, they will keep one placated.

Part Three: The Military

Though this new option may seem trite,
The makers of the game felt it right,
To make sure the more you war the better your army will fight,

There are also more military units than before,
Hussars, redcoats, highlanders, and more,
And you can even invite advisors like Newton to your court,

Your armies fight, and your men will die,
But if subtlety is something you'd rather try,
Then rejoice, EUIII now allows you to spy,

Part Three: The Countries and Governments

The game includes simple tribal societies
Through intricate religious theocracies,
Up to massively complex bureaucracies.

From the Mayans in America,
To the Moors in Iberia,
The number of starting nations is a veritable cornucopia.

Part Four: The Multinational Organizations

The Papacy now plays a more important role,
For if your Cardinals top the Papal poll,
The Holy See will be yours to control.

If rising through the Vatican is not your thing,
Than making nice with German electors can bring
You the crown of Holy Roman Emperor and its accompanying ring.

Part Five: The Monarchs

Now your monarchs can die completely at random,
No longer do leaders have a specific birth and death option,
Their deaths may cause a 'dynastic struggle' which can lead to Bedlam,

Part Six: The Conclusion

“But is the game good?” I can hear you say,
Don't worry, the verdict is only one line way:
EUIII is a game I most certainly want to play.

So that's my preview of EUIII in rhyme,
I trust it wasn't too much of a waste of time,
Aw, who am I kidding, I know it's sublime.

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About the Author, D'arcy Mulligan (A.K.A DMan)

I am a university student who spends too much time doing work and not enough doing video games, how's that for a reversal? I enjoy reading all I can about news and sports, watching movies (I'm a film student), and being abused by my cat. I enjoy any game that involves a strategy, simulation, except for The Sims oddly enough, but sports games are my preferred genre. I'm not a fan of games where the graphics are the main draw. If I'm looking for something pretty to look at I'll head over to the girls dorm, thank you very much. I've been playing games since you could have a little pith helmeted dude ride vines over crocodiles so I have some skill, but I don't play them enough to pull off a hopping 180 reverse RPG headshot... DAMN YOU Halflife69killedyou, DAMN YOU!!! *deep breath* And calm once more... I'm generally a guy who doesn't get sucked into video games much, it has to be something really special to hold my attention. When I am sucked in though I can easily lose friends, sleep, my hygiene, and then more friends. I have been known to do baseball databasing and sports gaming mods for...um...fun... I also like long walks on short piers. Swimming is fun!