The night began with my friend David suggesting that he, Will and I play Street Fighter IV. I should have listened.

Instead, I brought over MLB Superstars, a collection of baseball-themed minigames for the Wii. So I loaded it up, and the three of us spent the next few excruciating hours plowing through what is perhaps the weakest collection of minigames on a system that is already replete with them.

Problems started right away in the first game we tried: Marbles. The object, much like in the real-world equivalent, is to throw baseballs at large marbles to knock them out of the circle, which in this version was around a large pitcher’s mound. As there were only three of us, we had to have a fourth computer-controlled player. There was no option to simply play a three-player game. Strange.

What’s even stranger is that the computer player was better at the game than all three of us. “How the hell does he do that?” David shouted as CPU Alex Rodriguez chucked a powerful throw to knock a marble out of the circle and score his second point. “Hold on, I think I’m getting the hang of it,” I said. I thrashed my arm in a throwing motion a good three or four times before I threw the ball, which plopped out and rolled weakly onto the field, not even making it to the marble I was aiming for.

We managed to catch up to A-Rod by the time a few marbles remained, but he ultimately ended up the victor with five points. A mix of confusion, frustration and anger washed over us. “I guess there’s a reason he has the richest contract in baseball history,” I offered.

Baseball Bocce was no better. This time, the object is to toss a ball as close as possible to a marker ball in the middle of a field full of obstacles like plants, gophers and a lawnmower. Again, A-Rod showed he had clearly mastered the art of throwing a ball better than three 20-something gamers, as he came in first place again.

Also, as Will noted, “someone clearly has a fetish for dynamic soundtracks.” While we were playing Marbles and Bocce, there was a constant acoustic guitar chord progression in the background. As we scored points or made good throws, additional instruments would be added, like drums, bass and horns. “Maybe if I do well enough, I can unlock vocals,” I joked. But even so, the song was an uninspired loop that one could probably find in any songwriting software. This was, unfortunately, the most creative thing we found in the entire game.

The “best” game of the collection was Baseball Golf, though saying it’s the best game would be like saying a benign tumor is the best kind of tumor. Again forced to drag along an unwanted computer-controlled fourth player, we swung the bat to tee off, threw the ball when on the fairway and bunted in the crudest possible representation of putting. The entire golf game consisted of three holes, the first one looking like a normal golf course, the second one taking place on a desert and the third looked like somewhere in Middle-Earth.

Every shot felt like a new adventure, as there was no way to judge how hard you were going to hit or throw the ball before you actually attempted it. Putt-bunting (punting?) especially felt like a crapshoot. Merely connecting with the ball was difficult enough, but there also were a few instances in which we bunted too hard, sending the ball back onto the green, which made us have to throw it again. At least Will managed to tie A-Rod for first place this time.

Most of the minigames in MLB Superstars award you “baseballs,” five of which are needed to unlock the final game, Pachinko. Hit a ball into the stands, and try to hit as many targets as you can to unlock special prizes. Pachinko costs five baseballs per play, however, so after you play it once you have to go back and earn more baseballs before you can play again. Needless to say, none of us felt like doing that.

The special prizes you get consist merely of different clothes — such as shirts, pants and headgear — to adorn your in-game avatar. So now instead of struggling through terrible minigames as a normally dressed MLB player, now you can struggle through terrible minigames with a wacky helmet! Wonderful.

Obviously, no one should expect triple-A material out of a minigame collection on the Wii. However, one should expect any game to be at least as good as Wii Sports, which comes free when you buy the system. Even the worst game in Wii Sports is better than the best game in MLB Superstars. The only good thing I can say about my playing experience is that I didn’t have to suffer alone, though I did have to spend a considerable amount of time apologizing to David and Will for making them play it in the first place.