We all had our obsessions as children. Some of us had our action figures; others had dolls. But for a good many people, G.I. Joe was where it was at: badass soldiers and ninjas fighting against the evil Cobra Commander and saving the world. Eventually, it was bound to be made into a movie, and last year, Hollywood got a hold of and — like most movies based off of childhood obsessions — crushed the dreams of the many fans of this established franchise. And, like most movies, a videogame was made, but did it surpass the expectations of the fans and give them what the movie couldn’t? Or did the forever-loved G.I. Joes fall into the pit of failed movie videogames? Let me answer that question in a very simple-to-understand way: DO NOT RENT/BUY/PLAY G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra in any way, shape or form.

Ever wanted to play a game in which you press forward and fire? Well, then please, take my copy of G.I. Joe and enjoy. That is, literally, all you do. The entire game consists of you picking a G.I. Joe character, loading into a level and pressing forward while shooting enemies. Every once and awhile, you find a power-up that causes you to have to hit a certain button to activate it, but that’s about it as far as controls go. I would love to say more, but that is really all there is to say.

The game does allow you to take on each mission with a friend in co-op mode, which made for a better experience, but I’d have to say it was just more fun because a friend was there to point out all the flaws with me. Its attempt at using cover mechanics fail, as the button that allows you to take cover also forces you to tumble, so many frustrating moments were had trying to deal with that. Also, the auto-aim doesn’t seem to ever want to auto-aim at the correct target. Imagine this: You are surrounded by enemy soldiers ... BUT, HEY LOOK ... there is an off-screen power-up/enemy building! You wouldn’t believe the number of times I died because the auto-aim system decided I’d rather shoot at anything other than my enemies.

Remember that one-button activated power-up I mentioned earlier? That is the ONLY cool part of this game. When activated, your character is put into one of the Power Suits given to them in the movie (you may have seen them use it in the commercials). With that suit comes a pretty cool song that actually gives the game a somewhat G.I. Joe feel. Unfortunately, the amount of time you keep this power-up is so short that the cool moments can’t save the rest of the game’s faults.

Though I can’t say that I really enjoy hating games and telling everyone else I do, G.I. Joe just got me to a point in which I felt like everyone had to know. The lackluster graphics, the repetitive and much too simple gameplay, camera and cover mechanic issues, and boring areas and enemies made G.I. Joe a wholly unpleasant experience that I wouldn’t wish on anyone. However, if you are looking specifically for a G.I. Joe game and don’t care how broken or not fun it is, then go ahead and pick this one up. But know that you may be very disappointed. And, at the risk of using a quote that I am sure everyone would expect: Now you know, and knowing is half the battle.