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Introducing: Dunjon and Mastour, the Daring Dungeoneers:

Mastour: This game begins with a great cutscene. Since all I care about is great dungeon design, I am glad to say that is pretty much the only cutscene you'll be forced to watch, no need to see decent animation and voice acting when there are flipping blocks suspended in space to jump across.

Dunjon: Well, glad I slept through that first part. I didn't come in until the first great jumping puzzle. Imagine yourself, standing at the top of a mountain. Along comes a giant floating rock. Do you have to jump onto this rock? No way! Instead you can't reach the top of it so you have to power jump into the side of the rock and hope your talons can grab hold of it… fail and it's a 5 minute walk back up the mountain! We figure they went easy on the players since it was only the first level, making them do this only 5 times.

Mastour: Yeah, that first level was a piece of cake, I mean who else would you put a random ball into a corner of the map and a soccer goal into the other? Heck, of COURSE someone will kick the ball into the goal, right? Then again, my first idea was to kick it at enemies, but hey, I figured it would explode!

Dunjon: Yep, it wasn't long before we were on to level 2. Ah, a vast desert complete with gigantic dragon bones… and where there's dragon bones, there's… well, we were disappointed to see only flaming zombies in this level. However, it wasn't long before I found my winning jumping puzzle in this level: a gigantic whirlpool of quicksand with a climbable pole in the middle that doesn't lead anywhere. So brilliant to trick the players with cruelty like that!

Mastour: Ah, that isn't to be outdone by the flying suit, where you have 30 seconds to fly through a dozen rings and when you complete it, nothing happens. I am just glad my wings gave out above the endless chasm… ah, once again more brilliance! Long live Vexx!

Dunjon: Well, that's enough about level 2, what a boring desert. Level 3 was where it's at. I've got two words for you: Electric Sharks. Man, if I had a bigger budget, there'd be electric sharks in ALL of my dungeon traps! Heck, even this dungeon could only afford three electric sharks though. Ah, electric sharks… writing that NEVER gets old.

Mastour: Hah, well, nothing will outdo the electric sharks on level 3, but still the random flying squares suspended above a giant statue with a blue light at the end was a great idea. You get to the end of the road and arrive at the blue light and… nothing happens. Of course you realize that you should fire your soul cannon at the statue's eye… that makes perfectly logical sense as a thing to do in ANY situation.

Dunjon: Yep, level 3, filled with jungle friends, statue heads, and lots of water. Level 4 took us to a whole new level of ridiculous. Like a bad trip through Gulliver's Travels, you are a small ant-sized Vexx in a gigantic Victorian house, complete with TV and game system. Surprised that there is a puzzle involving them? Dude, everyone needs an X-box to play a rousing game of gigantic sized brick-breaker.

Mastour: Ah, yes, but that was hardly the strangest thing. This level actually contained one of the dungeons I have dreamt about. See, I had licked this toad earlier… well, never mind that, the point was it is a giant vertical maze filled with demonic instruments you must jump across as they play a depressing dirge. I had always envisioned this maze to take about 15 minutes to get up, but I am proud to say that the dungeoneers behind Vexx managed to make this 45 minutes of agonizing torture. Yep, winner of most acid-trip induced level: Musical Mayhem.

Dunjon: On to level 5, a water level… yep, my favorite I figured, since you can't attack while swimming… but alas… no more electric sharks. I was so disappointed.

Mastour: Ok, we may be evil and cunning dungeoneers, but honestly, nobody likes water levels… not even us. We mostly skipped this one.

Dunjon: From here we traveled to level 6. This presented a new first for Vexx, previously falling from somewhere on the map meant you landed on the ground, sometimes you even survived. Not this level! This is the first level in which falling means death… from just about anywhere. That's the kinda challenge we like!

Mastour: Sadly, this level is more of the same. A bunch of hum-drum challenges that barely hold a candle to some of the earlier things. It took some time but we trodded our way through this sleeper level.

Dunjon: Level 7, this is where things got interesting again! If I could build floating planks of wood that extended high into the air until they let you off at the top of a mountain I would. However, the Vexx went that extra mile. What's at the top of a mountain… a button. What happens when you hit the button… the mountain explodes and in the rubble you find… another button! Do this until you are at the bottom of the mountain rubble and what will you find… a door to a puzzle! So brilliant and logical it pains me!

Mastour: Yeah but level 8 takes our award for best jumping puzzle of all time. A beautiful panoramic view where you must jump across moving platforms to reach a pole that leads to a walkway that leads to platforms that fall out from under you where you must make a flying leap onto a rolling log, all the while being attacked from the sky by enemies and by fireballs from statues. But that doesn't end there! Jump from the rolling log onto more falling platforms and wind around a curvey small ledge until you come to a very VERY narrow strip of land, which you must make a flying leap to a spinning platform that is moving left and right. Make this leap and then you must leap across 5 more spinning platforms, once again, being attacked by enemies from above. Make it across this to the next area where you find a bridge guarded by orcs and gigantic golden spiked balls swinging on chains -- all this being done over a GIGANTIC PIT OF LAVA!!! One hit from the spikes, one false move, one wrong jump, and it's goodnight Mr. Vexx! Best Dungeon Award goes to Level 8's "Lava Gauntlet!"

Dunjon: And then there's level 9. See, the whole point of a dungeon is to make it remotely possible to achieve victory in, otherwise the player would just leave. Well, level 9 crossed that line… by the time we reached it we had enough "hearts" to skip this level entirely and move on to the last boss.

Mastour: I was upset about the last boss. It wasn't a puzzle, instead it was the first time in this entire game you were FORCED to fight. Yep, just a regular ol' boss battle, complete with stages of evolution. I'd take the lava spike pit-trap any day… So, we close with this note: You want brilliant dungeon design? Vexx is your game! For all you aspiring Dungeoneers take note from the masters, all hail!

And so we leave Dunjon and Mastour to revel in their victory over the evil Yabu's insane quest for building ridiculous jumping puzzles and move on to some other game which, hopefully, will not require any jumping what-so-ever. Perhaps I will find a game where I play a rock… or an elephant… or something incapable of leaving the ground by its own will.